INTRODUCTION— AN UNDERDOG STORY

On a cool summer day during Jason’s sophomore year of high school in rural Maine, his father held a beat up 22-caliber pistol to his mother’s temple. This wasn’t the first time this or something similar had happened. His mother begged him to ignore the threat to her life, to go and call for help.

They didn’t have a phone, and the nearest neighbor was a half mile or so in either direction from the abandoned two-room schoolhouse where they were squatting. From where the teenage boy was standing, he had to move past his father to get to the only available exit. After a moment of hesitation, he decided to go for it. As he bolted for the door, he had to pass close enough to his father that he could reach out his foot and trip him, which is exactly what he did.

The touch saw the young man lose his balance, as he hurdled across the middle of the room. He slid across the rough old floorboards of the schoolhouse and landed with his head against the frame of the open door. Before Jason even had a chance to collect himself from the fall, his father rushed behind him and slammed the door with his head still in it.

He recalls the throbbing being reminiscent of how it’s portrayed in cartoons, like when Road Runner drops an anvil on Wile E. Coyote and you see him shake and quiver until he eventually falls over. Beyond this sensation, there was a single thought that ran through his mind in that moment—that this would be the last time he ever laid eyes on that man.

Fueled by sheer adrenaline, he collected himself, managed to stand up, and ran as fast as he could, sprinting across the yard and out into the street at the bottom of the dirt driveway. He raced down the road, his heart pounding, then up the hill to the neighbor’s house. When he arrived, he banged on the door, but there was no answer at first. He stood in the yard yelling until someone came to the door. He frantically begged them to call the police, which they did. Later that evening the police hauled his father off to jail, and, true to his word, he never saw him again after that day.

While Jason was growing up, violence and outbursts were regular occurrences. The young man was the oldest of six children, ranging in age from four to fifteen at the time of that incident. For as long as he can remember, until that day at age f ifteen, he and his siblings were routinely abused—verbally, emotionally, psychologically, and physically. Their mother stood in feigned protest, recognizing there wasn’t much to be done to stop the abuse, lest she be targeted herself for trying to quash the violence. She was being victimized by her husband in her own unique ways. They lived a tumultuous life in cars, “camping,” and traveling from one town to the next, only staying in any one place long enough to take advantage of someone else— landlords, employers, schools, stores, or anyone nice enough to lend a hand.

It was a hell of a way for a young man to grow up, but honestly, these types of stories are not all that uncommon.

Underdog Recovery

As you might have put together by now, the young man from the story is, in fact, yours truly. (Jason happens to be my brother’s name.) It represents one example of how an underdog comes to be. That’s what this book is about, underdogs—in other words, those who’ve experienced their own kinds of unique trauma or disadvantage and are looking for practical, real-world ways to make meaningful progress in their lives.

Trauma and disadvantage are not things that subside on their own. They tend to be sticky and hang with us, even long after the original trauma has come and gone. Healing requires intentionality, and it takes time to process and make progress. Only once the healing has begun can we focus on our performance, goals, and what we truly hope to get out of life. In my case, my childhood trauma ended almost thirty years ago, yet I’m still working out what it all means. I’m not fully healed, but I’m better today than I was yesterday and a completely different person than I was as a teenager. It’s an ongoing process.

As you’ll see throughout the book, there are numerous practical strategies and tactics I’ve employed along the way in my own personal recovery. The ideas and frameworks in this book have helped me to have outsized success in many areas in my life, despite any early disadvantages. However, I had to figure these things out the hard way, through trial and error, by enduring and creating more personal suffering, reliving trauma, and, frankly, by alienating many wonderful people along the way.

It’s embarrassing to admit, but for more years than I care to remember, I thought I was portraying myself to the world as an underdog. I leaned into the idea and wanted to be viewed as one. The trouble was, I wasn’t getting opportunities or getting ahead. No matter how hard I worked, it seemed like I was standing still while others passed me by. Sometimes those people were seemingly more privileged, sure, but often it was others who had been through similar types of adversity who were getting ahead. I couldn’t figure out why some underdogs seemed to make real progress in their lives, while I was floundering.

Over time I discovered a dirty little secret that no one knew, cared, or dared to share with me—even though I felt like an underdog, I still sounded and acted like a victim. I was coming across to the world as someone who wore their heart on their sleeve, and I wasn’t approaching my life with the right attitude, intention, or performance.

Oddly, I didn’t feel like a victim. On the contrary, I felt in control, self-assured, and empowered. Unfortunately, that’s not how I was coming across. I was pushing potential relationships away by oversharing too soon. I was missing out on job opportunities for being too raw in interviews or showing the chip on my shoulder. I was attracting the support of others but in the form of sympathy, not in any authentic or meaningful ways that could help me make progress in my life.

What I finally realized was that I had a terrible story, and I was sharing it with everyone to my own detriment. It took me years to f igure out that this was the problem. Then, even when I did figure it out, I wasn’t prepared to do anything about my poorly crafted story or the harmful actions I was taking either. I didn’t know how to make the changes I desperately needed. I didn’t know what was resonating with others and what was not. I had no idea where to begin.

So what did I do?

Well, I did what most people do: I stuck my head in the sand and ignored the problem, content to stay on the path I was already on. As you can probably guess, that turned out to be a poor strategy, which had all kinds of unintended consequences, some of which you’ll read about in the book.

How I Really Learned about Underdogs

When you hear the word underdog, what thoughts or images spring to mind? Well, if you’re like most Americans, for example, the metaphorical construct of being one is a big part of our culture. It can be a powerful lens to view oneself through. There’s a certain charm and lionization associated with stories of someone pulling themselves up by their proverbial bootstraps to overcome the odds and succeed even when they aren’t expected to.

Societally, we seem to revel in the idea of ordinary people battling giants to the surprise and awe of bystanders. Seemingly, we love to root for the underdog—in business, among celebrities— but there’s no place more enamored of the idea than the world of sports. The concept seems ubiquitous, known, and well understood. Unfortunately, the reality is much different for most of the disadvantaged who aren’t flush with support and resources and already in the spotlight.

We love to support the dark horse. Or at least we say we do. It’s a polite, nice, and appealing position to take. Who doesn’t appreciate the idea of supporting the disadvantaged among us? xiv The Underdog Curve This attitude seems to be a given. However, who we really love supporting are the ones who are already positioned to compete. We like to support those who are already prepared to win or at least stand a chance against their rivals—the disadvantaged who are already poised to breakthrough.

The thing is, getting support as an underdog is often only for the few who have an audience or an arena where they become visible and garner the support of many. By way of example, the star character Katniss comes to mind from the popular book and movie series The Hunger Games. Is she an underdog? Sure. Does she get the support from the masses for her eff orts? Yes. Were people willing to support her before she was visible and had a stage and a growing platform? Not so much. But it doesn’t have to be like that, even for the more common among us.

The Hunger Games reference is merely one example of what we confuse about underdogs in society today. On a theoretical level, we love to support them—in movies, television, books—and we really like to support those celebrities who make it into the limelight. However, in everyday life for the average person who’s trying to overcome their struggles and simply make it through the day, they’re often left wanting. It’s not that there’s a lack of potential support—to be clear, there is not.

While authentic underdog experiences are relatively common, they feel precious and provide outweighed value simply because they are so often told poorly or not at all.

Interest for these stories is at an all-time high, but there are two primary reasons story purveyors don’t get the support they need. The first is because while there is a deficit of these powerful stories, only a few bold individuals are willing to share with anyone besides their closest confidants. This lack of willingness to share is a foundational mistake in my experience. The second reason has to do with the storyteller’s preparation.

People are ready and willing to support the disadvantaged, but only those who are personally and professionally prepared. The potential to receive this necessary advocacy requires the ability of underdogs to both compete with other highly prepared individuals and stand a chance of winning. What holds most folks back is not their work ethic or abilities but rather knowing which areas to focus on. Being prepared begins with knowing which areas to improve and then how to develop, hone, and craft these new skills until they’re ready for practical implementation.

There are other reasons underdogs don’t get the support they need. One big reason is that the metaphor itself has become increasingly misunderstood in society. By way of example, current definitions suggest that they’re either “losers” or “victims,” neither of which is accurate for the truly disadvantaged. At other times, support shows up in the wrong way, or those willing to provide support have ulterior motives or conditions attached to their support.

However, when it comes to preparation, there are three main areas where the disadvantaged are ill prepared to garner the support and resources they need. These present to the world as an inability to overcome past disadvantages, reach high levels of achievement, and thrive. I like to think of these three deficient components as the Underdog Equation.

Story + Relationships + Performance = Underdog

On the surface it’s easy to see that each of us relies on these three fundamental areas to navigate our lives. However, it isn’t their existence which I am suggesting is the difficulty. We all have some version of the elements of this equation. Instead, it’s the quality of each component within the equation that ultimately determines the quality of our lives. This is especially relevant for those with a tumultuous tale to tell.

Three simple, little ideas hold the power to transform someone from an aspiring underdog into a fully actualized one. I arrived at these three pivotal conclusions by way of hard-won experiences in my own life—personally and professionally. Earlier I mentioned the bad personal story I used to share with others. The version I was using made me sound like a victim and was overly raw, and I hadn’t worked on crafting it or even making it consistent. I would say whatever tale came to mind in the moment. When it came to relationships, I failed to establish the types or quality of connections I wanted in my life. I also allowed too many unhealthy relationships to linger, long after I should have removed them. Then, when it came to my performance, I was woefully underprepared to do what was necessary to be seen as a credible contender (more on this a little later). I wasn’t standing out, instead lost in a sea of competitors who were better prepared. I had a big chip on my shoulder and felt entitled to something better, and it showed. As a result, my personal performance suffered, and it skewed how others viewed me.

Remember that each underdog is on their own unique path whose journey may be shorter or longer, easier or more difficult than the underdog next to them. Our recovery is less about comparing ourselves to others and more about finding ways to have success despite our own adversity. A large part of our success comes from leaning into the Underdog Equation. And a big part of the equation boils down to trust—trusting and believing you’re worth and capable of more and expecting that others could believe the same about you too. (More on this in part III.)

Why I Wrote This Book

My goals in writing this book stem from my personal experiences of struggling to figure out how to think, talk, and act like an underdog amid a sea of the seemingly advantaged. That’s not to say everyone is privileged. They certainly are not, but when you start life on your back foot, it can sometimes feel that way. The desire to put my personal frustrations into words turned into curiosity about what really makes an underdog and why this idea always seemed to resonate with me. This curiosity turned me onto the science of adversity and motivated me to write a book that can hopefully help some people heal a little, start to overcome their challenges, and make their mark in the world.

As it turns out, there are numerous studies about the value and efficacy of being an underdog, and there are some interesting insights when you dig through the research. I will do my best to bring some of the most interesting findings about underdogs to light for you throughout the book. In addition, I have included personal stories and anecdotes that have served me in the hope that the hard lessons learned might help you too. Everything in here is intended to help you cut down the steep learning curve of overcoming your personal obstacles so you can thrive.

The research and my own experiences have led me to believe the best way to accomplish this is by closely aligning yourself with a strong underdog narrative. As you’re about to see, that does not include the way society currently thinks or talks about this group today. Throughout the book we will update what it means to be an underdog and use the findings from the real world to drill down on the most effective strategies and tactics. The proper implementation of these ideas will help you keep up with your advantaged peers and get better outcomes in every area of your life.

The journey of writing this book has unexpectedly been one of self-discovery as much as it has been about research and experiences. It has been said that we don’t know what we truly believe until we put it into written words.1 That has certainly been the case for me too. While this book has a few personal stories in it, I primarily share my experiences not from a place of ego or pride but in hopes that you might use them as a substitute for your own adversity.

In writing this book I was struck by a fundamental idea: considering yourself an underdog is entirely relative. Your experiences are yours alone. They are not better, or worse, or more or less difficult than the experiences of anyone else. Your personal story is uniquely challenging to you and is enough on its own. Beyond all of this, if no one has said it before, your story matters.

To be candid, your story is far more significant than you probably realize right now. The things you’ve endured are valid, unique, and worth sharing. There’s also tremendous healing power in letting your story breathe. And there’s a deficit of real stories like yours. There are hordes of people waiting to hear your story if you’ll only be brave enough to share it. Having a compelling story does, however, require you to do a little work in advance to ensure it’s one that others can appreciate when you share it.

How This Book Will Benefit You

“A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.”

—Oliver Wendell Holmes

If you consider yourself disadvantaged in some form or another, then this book should be your guide. There’s nothing complex or intimidating throughout the book. The ideas are simple yet practical. The methodologies and approaches will challenge your thinking about social conventions and may even push you into some uncomfortable areas at times. That’s a sign of progress and is to be expected. I only ask that you stick with me when things get tough.

The research and personal experiences are outlined to function like a roadmap for thinking like an underdog. To that end, reading this book in order usually makes the most sense. It’s important to recognize that being disadvantaged or considering ourselves as underdogs puts us on a broad continuum of healing, recovery, and ultimately achievement. On one end are those still being victimized even as they read this passage. On the other end are those who have fully healed, recovered, and reached the greatest heights of success. However, most of us are somewhere in the middle—we’re still figuring out a few things about what it means to overcome disadvantage and lean into what the future holds for us.

Understanding how to navigate your specific social landscape, updating your mentality and approach, and putting together the practical aspects of your story, relationship, and performance will make a significant, positive impact for you in every area of your life.

How This Book Is Organized

Finally, to orient you to the book, it’s broken up into three distinct parts as outlined below.

Part I: We evaluate the social headwinds and the misappropriation of the underdog construct. We’ll examine current definitions and their impacts and craft an updated, practical, and empowered definition with which underdogs can associate. This part of the book dives into the three distinct kinds of underdogs that exist and the common theme of “disadvantage” that creates them in the first place. Finally, we’ll examine where the words we use come from and help you clearly visualize your place in the world. The opening part of the book is all about establishing the case that it’s time for a personal evolution.

Part II: We consider the internal aspects that make underdogs tick. We examine the key areas that they often get hung up on as they work to overcome their disadvantage. We’ll consider the power of our mentality and approach, review the impact of volatility in our lives, explore common mistakes, and introduce the Underdog Curve framework that outlines a path to personal and professional renewal.

Part III: We explore the “Market for Underdogs” and break down the Underdog Equation in full detail. We get into real-world examples and detailed, practical methods for you to craft the right kind of story, develop key relationships, and perform in new and differentiated ways designed to help you stand out. Learning how to maneuver in these areas will leave you sounding and acting like the competent competitor you were meant to be.

When you finish this book, you’ll be positioned to be seen by the world as a “credible contender.” You will be worthy of receiving all the support and resources you could ever need, and you’ll also be prepared to go after what you want in any area of your life.

If you’ve ever thought you might be an underdog, then let this book be your guide to evolving into the best possible version of yourself.

See you on the Curve,

—GP

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